How Do We Truly Forgive Someone?

This question has been on my mind a lot over the past few weeks.  Are you the type of person that forgives easily, or does it take you some time to get over it?

I have met a few people in my life who have the unnatural ability to truly forgive and forget.  I stand in awe of these fortunate souls, wondering why the hurt seems to roll off their shoulders like water.

Personally, I’m the type that takes forever to get over something.  I catalogue it, commit it to my photographic memory, file it under NEVER, and harbor a grudge for all of eternity.

Yup, that’s me…or at least that was me until about three years ago.  What brought about the change?  Simply put, it was the desire for happiness.

For some of us, the hurt we feel runs deep and is burrowed so far down inside of us, it has literally grown roots.  The more time passes, the longer those roots grow, until eventually, you are not only an angry person, but a bitter one as well.

Elton John wrote a beautiful song for The Lion King called The Circle Of Life.  There is a verse in there that goes ‘Some of us sail through our troubles, and some of us have to live with the scars.’  As humans, some of have been deeply hurt or even traumatized by something that has happened to us as an adult or child.  It has left us emotionally scarred because we can’t let it go…no matter how hard we try.  We didn’t have a choice in this matter-and we absolutely cannot change, or forget, what happened.

Carrying around anger over something that we cannot change can eat us alive.  Does forgiving someone erase what has happened?  Of course not.  But I do know that forgiveness can be healing.  We must let it go.  Once we turn it loose, our heart begins to heal.  It’s not easy by any means, but it’s better than the alternative.  I realized that I didn’t want to grow to be an old and bitter person who has lived my life being angry about something I have no control over.

It was this realization that inspired me to write one of my novels.

The message of forgiveness runs throughout the pages of After All Is Said And Done, where we find Ethan Harrington struggling to come to terms with his wife’s infidelity. Her affair with a colleague of his has left him hurt beyond words.  It’s a hurt that slowly begins to heal with the birth of his son, but it isn’t long before he learns a devastating secret. His drinking, fueled by this discovery, engulfs him, and his marriage soon starts to buckle under the strain.

With his life now in pieces, and his sanity questionable, Ethan is forced to come to terms with his alcoholism and face a past that he has spent a lifetime trying to forget.

After All Is Said And Done is a novel about infidelity, healing, and the long road back to forgiveness.



View the Book trailer:

Available at Amazon, Barnes & NobleKobo & Smashwords

Belinda Buchanan is an author of women’s fiction that also includes, Seasons of Darkness, and The Monster of Silver Creek.

5 thoughts on “How Do We Truly Forgive Someone?

  1. For whatever reason, conscious or unconscious, I have always had the capacity to forgive and forget. Whenever someone brings up a past event that has unpleasant connotations, I rarely am able to recall it. Yet, when faced with a similar reminder about something that had pleasant aspects to it, I can remember it as though it happened yesterday. There has only been one occasion that I was unable to resolve. A longtime friend gravely offended me, most likely due to the negative effects of alcohol, and before I was able to resolve our differences, he died. Until this day, I am unable to forgive him. I struggle with it every time I am reminded of the incident. I don’t necessarily think that I’m still angry about the incident itself, as much as I am frustrated at the impossibility of ever resolving our differences. My motto is forgive and forget whenever possible, because life is most certainly too short. Very nice piece, Belinda, as always.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I used to joke that I forgave, but never forgot. I missed the whole point of forgiveness. It’s not easy and I think it takes a certain level of maturity to do do. The older I get the easier it is since I just don’t have the time to remember all the wrongs.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sounds beautiful, Belinda. I understand what you mean – forgiving is hard and I am like an elephant I never forget! LOL! I am working on it but thank God, I do have a great memory for most things.

    So nice to connect on all links. I feel we are new online friends!


  4. Terrific post, Belinda. I guess I am one of the lucky ones; I have always been able to forgive and forget. Perhaps that’s why I have been so blessed with so many friends. I don’t think it’s a conscious effort on my part, but rather a subconscious desire to not remember unpleasant memories. I find that I am easily able to recall the good times of my life, but have great difficulty remembering those that were painful. I guess it’s life’s little “defense mechanism.” Whatever it is, I’m glad you’ve caught it, too.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s