How Do We Truly Forgive Someone?

This question has been on my mind a lot over the past few weeks.  Are you the type of person that forgives easily, or does it take you some time to get over it?

I have met a few people in my life who have the unnatural ability to truly forgive and forget.  I stand in awe of these fortunate souls, wondering why the hurt seems to roll off their shoulders like water.

Personally, I’m the type that takes forever to get over something.  I catalogue it, commit it to my photographic memory, file it under NEVER, and harbor a grudge for all of eternity.

Yup, that’s me…or at least that was me until about three years ago.  What brought about the change?  Simply put, it was the desire for happiness.

For some of us, the hurt we feel runs deep and is burrowed so far down inside of us, it has literally grown roots.  The more time passes, the longer those roots grow, until eventually, you are not only an angry person, but a bitter one as well.

Elton John wrote a beautiful song for The Lion King called The Circle Of Life.  There is a verse in there that goes ‘Some of us sail through our troubles, and some of us have to live with the scars.’  As humans, some of have been deeply hurt or even traumatized by something that has happened to us as an adult or child.  It has left us emotionally scarred because we can’t let it go…no matter how hard we try.  We didn’t have a choice in this matter-and we absolutely cannot change, or forget, what happened.

Carrying around anger over something that we cannot change can eat us alive.  Does forgiving someone erase what has happened?  Of course not.  But I do know that forgiveness can be healing.  We must let it go.  Once we turn it loose, our heart begins to heal.  It’s not easy by any means, but it’s better than the alternative.  I realized that I didn’t want to grow to be an old and bitter person who has lived my life being angry about something I have no control over.

It was this realization that inspired me to write one of my novels.

The message of forgiveness runs throughout the pages of After All Is Said And Done, where we find Ethan Harrington struggling to come to terms with his wife’s infidelity. Her affair with a colleague of his has left him hurt beyond words.  It’s a hurt that slowly begins to heal with the birth of his son, but it isn’t long before he learns a devastating secret. His drinking, fueled by this discovery, engulfs him, and his marriage soon starts to buckle under the strain.

With his life now in pieces, and his sanity questionable, Ethan is forced to come to terms with his alcoholism and face a past that he has spent a lifetime trying to forget.

After All Is Said And Done is a novel about infidelity, healing, and the long road back to forgiveness.

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View the Book trailer:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmM-Uf6yG4w

Available at Amazon, Barnes & NobleKobo & Smashwords

Belinda Buchanan is an author of women’s fiction that also includes, Seasons of Darkness, and The Monster of Silver Creek.

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